Jerome and Sylvie

Richard Nicastro, Ph.D. asked:


 

You often hear struggling athletes say that they have to “go back to basics.” After years of repetition, it’s easy to lose sight of the fundamentals they need to stay on top of their game. Often they need an outsider’s perspective (i.e., a coach) to help them determine which fundamentals they’ve been neglecting.

 

Many couples fall into the same trap. There are many reasons why relationships lose their footing, but often couples who end up in trouble lose sight of certain relationship basics. And once those basics are forgotten, a formerly-solid relationship is at risk for spiraling out of control.

 

Let’s take a brief look at some relationship basics. Some of these might sound familiar to you; to keep your relationship healthy, it’s often not necessarily a matter of learning new things but holding onto tried-and-tested wisdom.

 

Relationship Basics: The 7 C’s:

 

1. Commitment

 

“Unless commitment is made, there are only promises and hopes; but no plans.”

~Peter F. Drucker

 

Commitment is about hanging in there, through the good times and the bad. Commitment lets your partner know that you are serious about the relationship; it’s the foundation that allows trust to develop and intimacy to flourish. Most importantly, commitment allows you to place the relationship above your own needs at times.

 

How do you show your partner that you’re committed to the relationship?

 

2. Communication

 

“To effectively communicate, we must realize that we are all different in the way we perceive the world and use this understanding as a guide to our communication with others.”

~Anthony Robbins

 

You don’t have to become a chatterbox to effectively communicate. Simply check in with each other once in a while. Find out if the relationship is working for your partner by asking questions like: “How are things between us? Is there something you need from me that you’re not getting?” When couples stop communicating, they become roommates instead of soulmates and might ultimately get their needs met elsewhere.

 

 

 

3. Compromise

 

The most important trip you may take in life is meeting people halfway.

~Henry Boye

 

Relationships, even the very best of them, are complicated and often challenging. Couples who know how to get through the rough patches and still have fulfilling unions know how to compromise. A competitive, “I need to be right” attitude is the death knell to compromise. Practice give and take, and learn how to meet each other half way.

 

What’s one step you can take to improve your ability to compromise?

 

4. Connection

 

“For a marriage or relationship to flourish, there must be intimacy. It takes an enormous amount of courage to say to your spouse, “This is me. I’m not proud of it — in fact, I’m a little embarrassed by it — but this is who I am.””

~Bill Hybel

 

When you show your partner that you are committed, and that you are working on becoming an effective communicator who is willing to compromise, the basis for a deep connection has already been set. Discover what makes your partner feel close to you and communicate what you need in order to feel close to him/her. Not all roads to connection are the same—become aware of and respect these differences.

 

5. Courage

 

“Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one’s courage.”

~Anais Nin

 

To have a fulfilling relationship you must have the courage to contribute something. What do you need to bring to the relationship table? You have to bring yourself to the relationship. Intimate relationships involve risk and vulnerability, and often couples begin to hide emotionally from each other when the relationship doesn’t proceed smoothly. This was evident with a couple I coached: The husband was somewhat subdued with his wife but was “the life of the party” with his friends and other couples. He stopped bringing his sense of humor and capacity for joy into his relationship with his wife after five years of marriage.

 

How do you contribute to your relationship?

 

6. Companionship

 

“Each friend represents a world in us, a world possibly not born until they arrive.” ~Anäis Nin

 

Whenever I interview couples who’ve been together for some time and are content with their relationship, one thing continually stands out as important for these successful couples: They are great friends and they like each other. Frequently, couples forget to nurture this part of their relationship and the cost for this omission is substantial. Friends often have similar interests and engage in enjoyable activities together.

 

Do you and your partner make a conscious effort to play and have fun together?

 

7. Compassion

 

Kindness is the language which the deaf can hear and the blind can see.

~Mark Twain

 

Compassion is the ability to listen deeply and show sympathy and understanding to your partner. Couples who practice compassion and kindness continuously feed love and send each other vital messages of caring. You would think that it’s easy for couples to shower each other with compassion, but this isn’t always the case. So often couples begin to take one another for granted and stop behaving in ways that demonstrate unsolicited kindness. As one husband recently said, “With all the stress I’m under, I don’t have the luxury of always being compassionate…” The assumption that you need heaps of time or that you need to be in the “right place” in your life in order to show compassion to others is not only incorrect, it’s a dangerous assumption. Make compassion a necessity in your relationship, not a luxury. Weave it into the small acts of your daily life and you won’t even need to create extra time for it.

 

While there are other important elements that go into creating a healthy marriage or relationship, periodically re-visiting these seven basics will give your relationship the tune-up it needs to stay vibrant and strong for years to come. For added benefit, review these with your partner and see what your relationship strengths are and areas that might need some extra attention.

To discover more relationship tips, visit http://StrengthenYourRelationship.com/ and sign up for Dr. Nicastro’s FREE Relationship Toolbox Newsletter.

 

As a bonus, you will receive the popular free reports: “The four mindsets that can topple your relationship” and “Relationship self-defense: Control the way you argue before your arguments control you.”

My Relationship Tips asked:


It all started when the first English occupants in America have built their colonies in the 1600’s. The Americans have been criticizing these *********** relationships because they do not want a black slave to marry a white person. These relationships have been highly contested in the states of Pennsylvania, North and South Carolina, Massachusetts, and Maryland where there are laws that prohibited *********** marriage.

By the year 1691, the state of Virginia have charged serious offenses to *********** couples and labeling their siblings to be bastards and outcast in the society. When the 13th amendment on the American constitution was instituted in 1865 in some southern states of America, slavery on blacks was abolished. However, *********** marriage is not yet allowed and will still be banned from every part of the country. The reason is, many white Americans do not want any black slaves or Native Americans pollute their genuine white race.

Many believe that 70 percent of black Americans nowadays are descendants of *********** couples. Many great black Americans that have lived like Martin Luther King Jr. and Booker T. Washington came from black and white ancestors. In the civil war era where blacks have been fighting for equal rights, Frederick Douglas was very vocal on saying that *********** marriage can trigger the acceptance of the exiled black slaves in the American society.

When the Supreme Court has abolished the last anti-miscegenation laws on *********** marriages, there was a great increase on the number of relationships that involved blacks and whites. Although the law now accepts it, there is still the existence of cultural betrayal. Many black Americans believe that whenever their children are dating or suppose to marry a white, they are betraying their families and especially their cultural heritage.

Many *********** couples have fought for this kind of relationship to be accepted with open arms in every society because they believe that it can come up to be the solution on racial prejudice and racial conflicts. They call for reconciliation because they see the world one day living in equality and racism is no more tolerated. More importantly, race is not an issue anymore because everybody is unified as one in the eyes of God, which is the human race.

Interracial relationships have some advantages and disadvantages, although there could be a number of advantages to be identified but some may encounter problems when they are in *********** relationships. Here are some that can be advantageous or disadvantageous in some aspects.

1.It can bring to a more colorful family history. Family members can learn more on their heritage and their ancestors. It can be an interesting subject whenever there are stories why their ancestors came to this place and how they have lived their lives even they have different races.

2.It could be more appealing to others, if the person is a combination of two different races. The feeling of uniqueness can be an attraction especially if the person knows how to blend well to different societies. In some instances a person with *********** heritage can feel fresh if he has places to visit if both of his parents came from two different countries.

3.If a person is hanging out with someone with a different racial origin, there is the opportunity to learn the person’s culture and tradition. These can be very interesting subjects to carry as the person goes home, and he may share to his peers what he had learned and experience.

4. Sometimes the acceptance can be very disturbing. There are some people that cannot get over on the reality that people can now live together even with different races. Most parents in this generation that have children that are product of *********** relationships still experience some isolated cases of discrimination and prejudice.

5.There are also cases where there are children that were born on *********** relationships come back to their heritage to get some revenge because of the racial issue that were not accepted in their situations. This could not be a good resort to get over the anger and hatred. Some people do these things as their responsibility to point out their reasons. These instances may lead to family conflicts and feud.

Interracial relationships may be good or bad depending on one’s principle. No matter what origin or race the person may come from, it is important that people realize that all people are created equal in eyes of God. People must learn how to accept no matter what the color, the race and tradition.

dhlim88 asked:


How to deal with an emotional ex if you are considering him to be your ex love partner for your making up relationship?

 

 

 

 

Does your ex call you often and tell you they miss you? Perhaps they’re cold one minute and hot the next. Their attitudes and behaviour change depending on the day of the week and you’re unsure what is really going on inside that head of theirs.

 

First of all, emotional ex’s usually spell trouble. If you’re dealing with one, protect your heart because it’s likely they will break it again… and again. Usually they’re the immature type that haven’t done enough growing up yet and their wants and needs change depending on the weather of the day.

 

Sure they can be lovable but they also turn on and off like a switch. Be careful and guard yourself!

 

You sure you want to get back together with an emotional ex?

 

If you want to get back with your emotional ex, you have come to a right article!

 

Building Great Relationships with Emotional Intelligence Tools

 

The best things in life depend on our ability to create and maintain great relationships. Success, happiness, and the ability to give and receive love all hinge on our relationships. Most of us do a good job with relationships at the start. But why do we so often stumble down the road? Why do relationships develop such challenging problems?

Learn the five key emotional intelligence skills we need to build great relationships and heal relationship problems.

 

How does emotional intelligence help our relationships?

Emotions are the building blocks of each relationship in our lives, and the power of those emotions cannot be overlooked. Emotions override our thoughts and profoundly influence our behaviour.

 

Emotional intelligence is the ability to recognize, control, and effectively communicate our own emotions, and to recognize the emotions of other people. Emotional intelligence skills allow us to use our emotional building blocks to construct a solid foundation for communication. Well-developed emotional intelligence skills are a better predictor of success in all areas of life (and particularly in relationships) than the traditional measurement of high cognitive intelligence, or IQ.

 

As the foundation for all verbal and nonverbal communication, emotional intelligence:

 

Empowers you to build healthy new relationships

Helps you strengthen existing relationships

Helps you to better understand other people

Helps you to better understand yourself

Enhances your abilities to communicate effectively

Emotional Intelligence Is Not Something You’re Born with-It’s Learned

Social and emotional experience starts in infancy with the child’s attachment relationship to his or her mother, or primary caretaker. If you are lucky, and had caretakers who recognized, understood, and responded to your emotional needs as a baby, you integrated the emotional and intellectual parts of your brain and absorbed a skill set that formed the basis of Emotional Intelligence.

 

 

If the attachment relationship isn’t secure, the emotional parts of the brain do not become well integrated with the intellectual parts. The personal and interpersonal skills needed to sustain great relationships will be weak or flawed. But because these skills are learned, they can also be acquired later in life-if absorbed in social and emotional contexts that attract the brain’s attention!

 

 

Test Your Emotional Intelligence

What is your current emotional intelligence skill level? Most of us have relationship problems at times with co workers, acquaintances, friends, relatives, or other people we care about. Your emotional intelligence is your set of key relationship skills that help you establish strong relationships and deal with relationship problems. Find your emotional intelligence skill level by answering usually, sometimes, or rarely to the questions in this quick relationship quiz.

 

 

Do you maintain contact when talking to most people? Or are you quick to answer your cell phone-and easily distracted by things having nothing to do with the conversation? Are you comfortable with pauses? Do you feel at ease when no one is speaking? Or if something in the conversation strikes an emotional nerve, is that okay? Do you sense when someone feels troubled before being told? Can you walk into a meeting and immediately tell who may be upset?

 

 

Do you judge or criticize some of your emotions or feelings? Do you pay attention to your gut feelings when making important decisions? Would you do or not do something that seemed logical because you have a contradictory feeling? Do you immediately notice when you become stressed? Do you know how to quickly and dependably reduce stress to a comfortable level? Do you easily laugh, play or kid around with others? Do you use humour to negotiate differences or rough spots?

Can you easily face up to differences? Or do disagreements with colleagues, friends or loved ones feel threatening?

 

 

Answering “usually”, to most of the questions indicates that you have a good start toward emotionally intelligent communication in your relationships. If your answers were primarily “sometimes” or “rarely”, you may need some help with your Emotional Intelligence - but it’s never too late to learn these skills and raise your emotional intelligence abilities. You can improve your current relationships, and forge strong new ones-both in your personal life and the workplace.

 

 

Five tools for emotional intelligence to help build and maintain great relationships

By incorporating the five basic tools of Emotional Intelligence, you can enhance your relationships in the workplace, at home and in all areas of your life.

 

 

1. The Elastic helps you reduce stress and avoid emotional overload

Out of control stress triggers knee-jerk fight or flight responses that make us feel like running or fighting -but not much of anything else. When this happens, and it commonly does, our emotions and the emotions of others can seem threatening and overwhelming.

 

 

2. The Glue helps you stay emotionally connected to yourself and others emotionally intelligent communication is fundamentally nonverbal, emotionally-driven communication. Emotion points us in the direction of what we really need, and is our primary source of motivation. Remove the emotional parts of the brain, and people lose their desire to do much of anything.

 

 

3. The Pulley helps you attract and hold the attention of others

Nonverbal communication is the lifelong pulley that consciously or unconsciously sends either positive or negative signals to others. Nothing reveals more to others about us, or attracts others to us, than wordless communication.

 

 

4. The Ladder helps you rise above life’s difficulties

All emotional exchange strengthens relationships, but sharing humour and the delight of play adds a unique restorative healing element, Mutual playfulness reduces stress, defuses anger, mends fences, and lifts spirits.

 

 

5. The Velvet Hammer helps you handle conflict in a positive way

Painful upset is an unavoidable part of life. But conflict resolved is a velvet hammer that can be a cornerstone for trust between people. When conflict isn’t perceived as threatening or punishing, it fosters freedom, creativity, trust and safety in relationships.

 

 

 

These 5 relationship tools will:

 

 

Help you see yourself and others in a new light , Help you recognize the difference between damaging communication and helpful communication , Help you discover resources for remaining calm and focused, regardless of the circumstances , Help you discover and improve your emotional awareness , Help you find more playfulness and joy in your relationships, at work or at home.

 

 

The relationship tools can enable you to transform conflict, using it as an opportunity for building trust and avoiding resentment, Emotional intelligence skills will have a dramatic effect on your relationships at home and at work. Each article in this series will guide you through exercises, quizzes, and examples that will help you learn specific emotional intelligence ability.

 

 

As you acquire each ability, you will increase your emotional intelligence and your ability to master the next skill. In the end, you will get to know a newly empowered individual-yourself-and become very comfortable with your ability to attract the respect and affection of others.

 

Indeed, life is short. Don’t let another day go by without taking a chance on happiness. You will never know until you try, so remember to make a move today. It can change or affect the rest of your life, therefore, at the very least, you can try to come out something for your ex love partner during your weekend plans. With a little practice, perseverance and patience, I believe that your relationship could be enhanced with the tips that I have shared earlier. If you have faced any problems with your loved ones, do not hesitate to visit this piece of article again. I really have a strong belief that if you can understand what I have explained and applied what you have learnt from this piece of article, your problems can be eventually solved and your making up relationship can become more stable and stronger. I wish all the best for your making up relationship with your partner. Do always remember to spread word of mouth to your fellow friends for supporting the decision of having making up than breaking up.

 

 

 

How to get your girlfriend back?

 

 

Watch a video that shows you exactly what you must NEVER do, what you should do to get your ex back and why at http://www.squidoo.com/how_can_i_retrieve_my_ex_lover_back

 

 

You will also learn how to reverse the situation if you have already done those things that should NEVER be done.

 

 

 

SEM Expert asked:


BoomerYearbook.com - December, 2008 - “Happily ever after” is a term which exists only in fairy tales. In real life every relationship has its share of bumps and problems. In fact having occasional arguments is even considered healthy. But if mutual bickering and fights become an everyday phenomenon, then you know your relationship is headed for trouble.

A lot of song writers and poets have aptly said “love just ain’t enough!” Mutual love may be the most important building block of a relationship, but love alone can’t sustain the relationship.  You might love your partner or spouse to death but may still find your relationship battling stormy weather. The reason could be that your relationship has one or more of the following elements missing: trust, open communication, respect, honesty and/or complete commitment. However, if you have the will and desire to make your relationship work, these problems can be sorted out.

How to make your relationship work?

Acknowledge that you have a problem

Blame- game is the common factor in almost all troubled relationships. People tend to get so blinded with anger that they lose their objectivity. Ego of course adds fuel to the fire. Sadly, this raging fire of anger and ego burns down the most vital building block of a relationship- love. It is therefore important that both the partners acknowledge the fact that they have a problem and refrain from finger pointing.

Communicate

Often we don’t share our feelings with our partner/spouse for the fear of hurting them and some times we may avoid speaking our mind in order to avoid an argument.  Continuation of this kind of behavior has the potential to destroy a relationship. Not sharing your feelings will lead to simmering resentment within you and the other person will continue with their life without even realizing that their behavior is hurting you. The result can be an explosion of bottled up emotions, leaving your partner bewildered and deeply hurt.  Open channels of communication are therefore vital for the health of any relationship and remember communication need not always be in an argumentative tone or a high pitched voice.  It’s important to keep your ego aside and communicate your feelings in a loving manner, in order to save yourself and your loved one from pointless hurt.

Relationship counseling

When you are angry or deeply hurt, you may blow small problems out of proportion. Just as love sometimes clouds our objectivity, hurt and anger have a similar effect too. You may be tempted to ask a friend or a close relative to interfere or “make the other person see the sense of your argument”, but remember this approach can easily backfire as friends and relatives may not be objective and biased towards you.  It’s therefore advisable to seek relationship counseling if both you and your partner are open to the idea. You may feel hesitant about confiding in a stranger, but remember a counselor is not just a stranger but a trained therapist. Just like you go to a doctor to treat an illness, you can visit a relationship counselor to treat your ailing relationship.

Clinical Hypnosis

If either of you have a problem with insecurity, jealousy or commitment phobia, the reason could be your past. Clinical hypnosis could help you in this case. Sometimes some past events or happenings may get so firmly embedded in your subconscious that you might end up taking a lot of actions because of those past memories, without even realizing it. Through clinical hypnosis a trained therapist will be able to delve into your subconscious and help you release the memories which are hampering your relationship and re-program your mind.

Positive affirmations

When a relationship is in trouble we tend to indulge in lot of negative self-talk about ourselves and our relationship. Not only does such behavior push the relationship further into the abyss of loneliness it also affects our confidence and desire to make the relationship work. Repeated negative self-talk ends up strengthening our belief that our relationship is beyond repair.  However, if instead of telling yourself how miserable you are and how imperfect your relationship is, if you could focus on making your relationship work, not only will you feel more motivated to bring your love life back on track but you’ll also feel more confident about being able to do it. You can either make up your own affirmations or practice the following in front of a mirror everyday:

“I love and appreciate myself the way I am”

“I deserve to love and be loved”

“I am surrounded by love at all times”

“The universe supplies me with endless love”

“All is well in my world”

Visualization techniques

Have you ever noticed that when you visualize something negative your body and mind start reacting as if you are already facing that situation? For example if you visualize you and your partner/spouse parting ways, you might feel a lump in your throat and your heart may start sinking. If you continue with your negative visualizations your body and mind start unconsciously pushing you in the direction of what you visualize the most. Similarly if you visualize yourself in a fulfilling relationship with your spouse/partner, your body and mind will start preparing you to live those happy images and will push you to push to fruition the visions of a healthy relationship.

These tips and techniques will be able to help you build a healthy relationship only if you and your partner are open to the idea of changing for the better, to make your relationship work.

Want to learn more? Have a comment or situation you’d like to start? Continue your self-help coaching journey at Boomer Yearbook. Please Visit: http://www.boomeryearbook.com/forum/forumdisplay.php?f=6

www.boomeryearbook.com is a social networking site connecting the Baby Boomer generation. Share your thoughts, rediscover old friends, or expand your mind with brain games provided by clinical psychologist Dr. Karen Turner. Join today to discover the many ways we are helping Boomers connect for fun and profit.

Daniel Amis, Professional Matchmaker/ Relationship Expert asked:


There may be a time where you’ll come across a woman who only wants a sexual relationship. Before you rush into one with her, there are a few things you need to consider.

Here are the two things you absolutely need to know before being intimate:

1. Feelings may start to develop. This can be very disastrous to the relationship. Since the relationship is built solely on intimacy, this alone can ruin your chances for another intimate encounter. If she’s intimate with you, she may have feelings for you anyway…at least sexually. If you are intimate with a woman who just want something sexual, then DO NOT EXPECT ANYTHING MORE THAN THAT. If you try to express how you feel about her, or worse, push a relationship on her, she may decline.. It may also ruin your chances for any future intimate encounters.

2. She’s probably in a relationship. There’s probably a lack of intimacy that she’s experiencing in her relationship, so she looks elsewhere. Though she’s cheating, it may make sense to her to try to figure out a solution…especially if she has already expressed to her significant other the problem. What you need to do is decide if you really want to be with someone who’s already involved. Take into consideration that there are many possible outcomes in this situation…like her man may become more intimate with her so therefore she may cut you off.

If you feel like you can still handle a sexual relationship, then by all means, have one. But always remember what it is…just something sexual and nothing more. Take that into serious consideration.

Lloyd Rocha asked:


After reading this article on why relationships break up, you may not have to search anywhere else for more matter on why relationships break up. It’s all here.

Heard that you were looking for something interesting on why relationships break up. Well, you have come to the right place for fresh information on why relationships break up. We have avoided adding flimsy points on why relationships break up, as we find that the addition of such points have no effect on why relationships break up.

As you progress deeper and deeper into this composition on why relationships break up, you are sure to unearth more information on why relationships break up. The information becomes more interesting as the deeper you venture into the composition.

Relationships are like delicate flowers that have to be tendered with liberal doses of love and affection. If you do not water and take care of the flowers in your garden, one day or the other, they will start withering and one fine morning you will find that they are all dead. People just do not bother to take care of their relationships and only when their relationships break up, do they try to find out some solution. They should know that relationships are like flowers and once they are dead, they just cannot be revived. You might be able to establish a friendship with your partner, but the flame of relationship will never be regained.

The information available on why relationships break up is infinite. There just seems to be so much to learn about, and to write about on why relationships break up.

Before you ask why relationships break up, have you ever thought what keeps a relationship alive? Once you have been able to answer this question, there will be no occasion for the relationship to break. A stitch in time saves nine and this holds true for relationships too. It takes a long time to stick together a good relationship and the lucky few who have got true relationships know the value it holds both for them and their partner. There are some people who just think that offering lots of gift to their girlfriend or having *** with her is what relationship is all about. They are far away from the real answer, because this is not what relationship is all about.

Ignorance is bliss they say. However, do you find this practical when you read so much about why relationships break up?

You may say that we have included exquisite information here on why relationships break up. This is with the intention of producing a unique article on why relationships break up.

True relationship means sacrificing a lot and giving till it hurts, and it is not about giving money. Why not wake up a bit earlier on a Sunday and prepare the breakfast for her, cleaning the kitchen too to ensure that she does not have to do it. What about taking her to a surprise dinner? It might even be small things and sacrificing your favorite ball game just to spend some extra moments with her. These things might sound simple, but they are tough to implement. Ladies love being pampered and more so, if the pampering is genuine and it comes straight from the heart.

Why not try to adjust a bit yourself? If she can move ahead 50% towards you, it is fair enough if she too expects you to move 50% towards her. There are no special rules in maintaining a healthy relationship. Try it out and see the light shine up in her eyes. However, few persons are able to do such things and that is the main reason why relationships break up. Even when they know that their relationship is on the brink of falling apart, they stick with their egos and hope that the other one will adjust.

Just observe and see what pleases her and you will notice that they are trivial things that you can easily do, why relationships break up? Just give it a chance and see the huge difference it makes in your relationship. Never having to say no to her small requests is what true relationships are built upon.

We had put all our efforts to produce some respectable reading matter on why relationships break up. We sure do wish it’s respectable enough for you.

Distance Relationships asked:


Long Distance relationships are a true test to a couple\’s commitment and personal limits. LDRs take a great amount of effort to maintain and often people involved in them, realize that they evolve into a state of emotion that they never found themselves in before. When your partner is miles away from you, it is very easy to let things go wrong and lead your long distance romance to an early death. Some people find it difficult to bridge the distance through communication, others become overly obsessed with what their partner is doing when they are not there and as a result they spiral down a road of jealousy and suspicion. They key is balance and following some basic steps to keep your relationship healthy and strong.

Communicate and visit often

It cannot be stressed enough how important communication is for every relationship, especially if it is an LDR. With the distance working to keep you and your sweetie apart, your defense is keeping all lines of communication open. It doesn\’t matter how you do it as long as you do it. Every long distance couple should find ways to communicate that make both partners comfortable and happy. You can talk on the phone everyday, send e-mails, faxes or text messages and whatever you do make sure you share your feelings and expectations and be true to one another. Try to make the time to visit each other as often as possible or as often as your budget permits you to. A relationship cannot thrive if the only thing you have is the phone calls. You need to see each other up close and personal every chance you get. The key here is to set up some \”rules\” about frequency of communication and visits and stick to them, consistency can help a LDR survive. (Check our Communicate Better and Travel section)

Avoid jealousy and be trusting

One of the easiest ways to destroy a perfectly healthy relationship is to poison it with jealousy and drama. When you start a long distance relationship you must be realistic of the difficulties ahead. It always helps if you go in a relationship with the idea that everyone is innocent and worth of trust until proven otherwise. Don\’t fall in the trap to interrogate your partner every time he/she decides to go out for a drink with people you haven\’t met or he/she didn\’t get back to you right away when you called and left a message. Just because you are in a LDR, you lives won\’t pause. Your partner will naturally have a social life where he/she lives and so should you. Sure it helps to have your eyes open and not be totally naive but being overly suspicious is unhealthy for you and your relationship too. You should both maintain your social activity and be happy with yourselves.

Be positive

Staying positive and not focusing on the negative aspects of a LDR is essential to keeping your relationship blooming and your partner content. Being away from your sweetie is not all bad news. Use the opportunity of personal time to pursue your interests and hobbies as well as your career objectives. Another positive points it that long distance dating pushes both of you to be more creative, communicate better since you don\’t have \”face-to-face\” time and test your feelings. As long as you see the long distance relationship as a temporary state, you will keep your chin up and transmit that feeling of security and happiness to your partner too.

Long distance dating is all about a balanced relationship between partners; a relationship built on strong foundations of trust, understanding and determination to make it work. The two partners should be reasonable about their expectations and willing to cooperate so that this relationship can lead to a happy ending. If these parameters are taken care of, you have nothing to worry about.

My Relationship Tips asked:


Ever notice how you put more value on something you worked hard for over something else that just fell on your lap? A common example of this is when you see someone spend lottery winnings on a fancy house, but thinking twice about investing life savings.

When something comes with a great deal of effort, that object increases its worth to that person who went through a great deal to get it. The same can be said about relationships. Someone who was won over with little effort can be let go just as easily. But when one is made to invest time and resources, it is harder to let them simply slip away.

Guys, believe it or not, it is okay, if not healthy, to let your lady work at your relationship and making things slightly more challenging for her to get you. After all, women have been playing “hard to get” for the longest time. It’s only right that they be returned the favor.

You may agree, but then you may not know exactly how. So read on for some helpful ideas on letting your mate work on increasing the value of your relationship.

- Retain some enigma.

Perhaps in their eagerness to impress the ladies, guys nowadays tend to share information about themselves short of a resume. That leaves very little for a woman to build her curiosity on.

Women are creatures of curiosity. They are wired to hunt for information on something that they are interested in. Just looking at how they consume gossip magazines will show you that.

Let this work to your advantage by revealing just enough information about yourself to get them interested while giving them hints on how to find out more. For example, let her know that you two have a common friend, but only give hints as to who it is. If she is in the least interested, chances are she’ll be asking everyone she knows if they know you. As a result, you’ll probably be constantly on her mind - which is a very, very good thing.

- Challenge her views.

If you don’t agree with some things your lady believes to be the only truth, let her know your opinions as otherwise. You will find that she will engage you with a lot more enthusiasm, if only to win you over to her side.

The advantage to this is that if you get “won over” by the arguments she made for her case, she’d feel a greater sense of attachment to you. Just be careful in doing so as your challenge can very easily be perceived as picking a fight, which may turn out badly for the both of you.

- Acquire a new skill together.

Whether it is a craft or a sport, encourage your girl to take up something she’s never had before with you. As she agrees, subtly push her to perform better than you are. If you are a very competitive type of guy, this may be quite difficult for you.

But if you keep your competitiveness in check, and allow her to excel over you with this new skill, you help build her confidence while at the same time making you the focus of her efforts.

- Let her imagination work.

When you and your lady have reached the point where you are physically intimate, you access another aspect of your relationship where you can allow you lady to work on.

When it comes to sex, even if she has already encouraged you to talk about it the first time, do what you can to avoid the topic - at least long enough for her to ask the second time. At this point, indulge her with some ideas you have in mind but leave out the details.

Allowing her imagination to fill in the blanks has already got you set up in her mind about the possibilities of an incredible night with you. Remember, a woman’s most erogenous zone is her brain. Work this part of her and it’ll take all of her self-control not to jump you the next time you meet.

These ideas all work to get your woman to invest more time and effort on you, reinforcing the connection you two have made. But be sure to affirm these efforts and let her know that you notice the work she is putting in. Nothing makes her feel better than to know her man thinks she is not only a great partner, but someone who can stand well enough on her own.